honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
