we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
