so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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