I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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