sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
