woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
