she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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