I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
