You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
