It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
