There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
