it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
