can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
