so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
