I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
