I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
