why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
