i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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