she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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