you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
