I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
