Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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