took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
