He passed out mid-signature
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
