I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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