i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
