Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just had sex bonerless
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
