god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
