If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
