She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
