Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
