I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
