Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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