Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
