Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
