I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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