i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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