I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
