OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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