Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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