Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
