I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
