I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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