you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
