His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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