a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
