I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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