She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
