Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
