Can i not drive my cunt home
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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