i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
